I feel pretty…

So after baby fell asleep the other night I watched a movie by Amy Schumer called “I Feel Pretty” and girl oh girl was it an eye opener to what women go through, I felt good knowing that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way and decided to share a part of my life that not many know about. I hope that by sharing I am able to help someone feel good in their own skin and stop giving their power away.

I’ve always been known as a confident individual, from the time I was a kid I would speak up and make sure I was heard and I guess that’s why it’s so surprising that ‘I’ would be the one with self esteem issues. But you see the thing is it just takes one person to create doubt and shoot a bullet hole into your confidence shield and BOOM, as if the power rogues get instant google alerts about your guard being down, the bullets start flying in and you feel like you’re in a battlefield and you have to take cover…and then taking cover seems to be your only option and fear takes over so you stay down there, feeling afraid, courageless and ashamed of yourself.

My self esteem first got shook up when I was a young girl, I think I was in grade 4, in my time it was called standard 2, and our Physical Education Teacher decided to read out the notes from the suggestion box. Just writing about this is making my tummy turn in anxiety. Anyway, she starts reading the notes out and then she comes to one that reads: “Udesha digs her bum” and everyone immediately starts laughing and looking at me. My eyes started burning up and I remember feeling like I wanted to cry but I held it together.

Firstly, as a teacher you don’t read out loud something hurtful of any kind to a student or anyone for that matter, you handle it appropriately and secondly it was my so called friends that wrote the note! Can you believe that? Instead of talking to me about it they decided to publicly humiliate me. If they had asked me they would’ve found out I was dealing with an extreme phobia of using public toilets and therefore would hold myself back from using the toilet. 

That was one of my first memories of being made to feel inadequate and humiliated. The most recent being a member of my husband’s family calling me fat in front of a room filled with people…the sad reality is that most of the times its been women shooting. Not that it’s better if it were coming from males but I believe in sisterhood, in supporting other women, I would never think of causing hurt or humiliation to another woman purposefully and that too in front of others. If I had an issue to address I would do it privately, face to face and I would try my best to do it in the most sensitive way.

I mean I could sit and write about all the moments I have been made to feel unpretty, inadequate and worthless but I would rather use my story to inspire you and acknowledge where I am now in life….

I’ve come to learn through self discovery, that I am worth so much and that it’s those very people that chose to put me down and make me feel bad about myself who are insecure and have low self esteem. They can’t handle their own feelings of dismay so they project it onto others, they especially project it on people who are comfortable in their own skins and are kind to them. This is how I see it anyway and I strongly believe that those who inflict such unkindness are the ones that really need more love in their lives.

Sometimes people who have been treated badly by others become unconsciously filled with hatred and take out that hatred onto those that are kind to them, I’ve experienced this a lot with my extended family, it’s like they need someone to blame and so they take out their feelings on me. Until very recently I feel like if it helps them in some way, then so be it. Why should I be bitter about the way they have treated me when in fact it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them?

I say until recently because the path to self love isn’t easy, especially since we have been conditioned to believe that we aren’t good enough and we always have to aspire to social norms of what being enough is…truth is I am enough and Amy Schumer realises this in her monologue at the end of the movie when she speaks about being a little girl and just having so much of confidence and then it gets robbed from you as u grow up when somehow we become more concerned with becoming the perfect version of someone else’s idea of pretty and not the best versions of ourselves, our beauty is our originality and that my dears is the truth.

So to all you fearless females, be true to yourself and listen to your heart, ignore that voice that questions you because it’s not your voice, your voice may be soft at first but the moment you start listening, truly listening, you will find it gets louder and so much more bolder…you got this girl.

Reality TV… poisonous or pleasurable?

I rarely watch TV since becoming a mother, but there was a time when watching TV was something that robbed me from doing all that I wanted to do and fed my weakness of procrastination, it was also because of gripping shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Quantico and Suits to name a few, that left me with long lists of things to do. I mean Shonda Rhimes can really leave you craving more…can I get a “hell yeah!”.

Which brings me to….Since becoming a mum I value time a lot more and I have found that I do have moments of weakness where I just want to plomp myself on the couch and watch ‘mindless tv’. I am embarrassed to admit that in this case the mindless TV was one of the reality shows that focuses on the stories of wealthy women who are either dating or married to athletes in America. It was during one of these weak moments that I found myself even more embarrassed at the behaviour of these women…which further led me to find a pattern amongst all these reality shows that focus on women. All these women did was host parties or have girl getaways with their fellow reality stars who in some way or the other always had drama with one another at any given moment throughout the show. And I kept thinking, is this really what we need to have circulating our screens in this day and age? I mean shouldn’t we be focusing on building up women, shouldn’t we be cheering each other on instead trashing each other for the world to see and even worse for our youth to see and learn from this behaviour (the thought of a younger generation modeling this type of behaviour leaves me anxious).

Why have we become a community of insults and drama, a society that binge watches the reality franchise as if we are part of this big mini series that revolves around peaks and falls of scripted drama. I mean don’t we have enough drama in ‘real’ life to be concerned about than spend our very precious time depleting the good we have by corrupting our beautiful minds with who spoke badly about who and how after 8 seasons they haven’t gotten over it and still harbour hatred for each other. The worse part of it all is that it is women that are leading the way for this reality franchise of real housewives…and you can’t say that they don’t know better, these are educated, well established women that star in these reality shows, what are they teaching the future female? That it’s okay to diss and demean another woman – in the name of fame and money? Ay, ay, ay….NO! That’s just not okay with me. As an aunt to a beautiful baby girl and a mother to an amazing baby boy, I want to leave the next generation with some light, some goodness that they can use in their future, if anything they were gifted to us to learn from them but also we have been given an opportunity to impart some sort of enlightenment, I mean we have to share the lessons from our lives and pass on the baton with a bright and roaring flame…they need us to give them a step up so that they can continue the goodness to the future generations. Its evolution y’all…come now get on with making your mark positive and stop complaining and living in that bubble of unhealthy reality…the reality is – by watching these shows all we are doing is feeding a multi billion dollar industry that is quickly deminishing the good and feeding the bad in all of us. Is that how you want to live your beautiful existence? I mean in hindsight I would love to have all that time spent watching TV back, it feels like such a wasted part of my life. I think as I get older and reflect more on my life I realise that I would love to have something to show of my time and I would love to share my misgivings with my son so that he can decide what’s best for him with the knowledge from my life.

What is your opinion about watching TV? Is there such a thing as watching too much TV and what would you consider good TV? I would love to hear your thoughts…

Till next time, much love from the Moodley Junior.

LET’S LIVE OUR BEST LIFE

Life can be challenging at times and the proof in that pudding is the current pandemic that has affected the entire world. This current reality, that has many of us feeling like we are living out the script to some Sci-Fi movie, has us questioning the state of humanity as well as our sense of HOPE.

It must be difficult to stay faithful and hopeful in a world that is filled with so many terrible things (and yet so many great things, which very often go unnoticed). I never thought that we would be living through a time that would make its mark on history, there’s literally no ‘masking’ this stuff up.  However, after all is said and done, the reality is we are living through it and believe or not we will come out stronger because of it. I mean if anything we are known for our resilience.

Being a new mom and living through this with my family has definitely forced me to re-evaluate many things in life. One of the main things is focusing on all the good I have to offer and all the good that I have around me. Also, I’m not sure if it’s the hormones talking but I have found it pretty difficult to be anything but happy with my little boy around, somehow he always manages to make me feel appreciative.

That being said, there are many South Africans who are going through tough times and I think the best way we can all help each other is by helping ourselves first. It’s like that proverb that speaks about filling your cup up first. When you fill yourself up with good and take care of yourself first so much so that your cup is overflowing then you are able to help others, but what good are we to others when we are not okay.

Which leads me to…

Self love…which isn’t given enough value and importance in our lives. We are brought up believing that if we go to school, study, get good grades, get a good paying job, get married and start a family then we are successful and that that’s enough. It is indeed a sad reality that we are taught to love our family but we are never taught to love ourselves first. The truth is we are born perfect, feeling whole and beautiful. Let that sink in for a bit…As for me, I am learning that I don’t have to feel bad for putting myself first, it’s okay to love myself, even with my stretch marks and flabby belly. I love my ‘i’m-perfections’, they’re mine and I am beautiful because of them. If anything this pandemic has taught me to appreciate what I have in life because there are others out there who would probably feel like they’ve hit the jackpot if they had just half of what I have. If anything this pandemic is here to remind us of all the things we take for granted, seeing our loved ones, human contact, going outdoors, practicing basic hygiene and so much more.

So I challenge you to take this time to play with your kids, put some effort in doing something nice for yourself or doing something that makes you feel good, respect your parents, look at all that you have in life and stop complaining about all that don’t (yet) have, smile at the person looking back at you in the mirror, smile as much as you can (because you never know when you will be able to share your smile with the rest of the world again).

Till next time, yours truly…
The Moodley Junior

Life as a girl – the limited thinking male

I grew up in a home that did not place gender as the sole benefactor to your net worth. My parents allowed my sister and I to spread our minds into a limitless world that was not confined by gender stereotypes and restrictive practices that foretold how women should behave, how they should dress, confining their place to the house (the kitchen – specifically) and so on and so on. Our home was one that allowed us to speak for what we believed in, be ambassadors of individual thinking and learn life lessons the hard way…that being – figuring it out as we age. As I take the time to reflect on my upbringing I can firmly say: “I don’t know how my parents did it!” I found this quote that resonated well with what my parents have taught my sister and I:

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.” ~ Ann Landers

This quote makes me feel so at peace when it comes to the way my parents brought my sister and I up – they managed to get it right without even knowing what their formula was or whether it would take or not. A couple decades later into adulthood and I can firmly say – the road was bumpy but they definitely had the right elements and there was a clear response to the reaction.

This brings me to the atypical way of thinking that is surprisingly still lurking in society – the concept of a man ruled world where woman are still being disrespected and treated as unknowing when it comes to varied facets of the working world. I have been in a number of scenarios where I have experienced both a great amount of respect from male peers and on the flip side my fair share of experiences where the arrogant male tried to show me up or worse than that antagonise me to the point of disgracing my worth.

Being a loud mouth only infuses these males’ egos and causes a battle of the sexes in the most unflattering of ways. We were brought up believing that we could do anything and everything – gender wasn’t something that could stop us. My dad instilled this in us when he allowed us to learn how to change a plug or fix a leaking tap with a new washer, change a light bulb or clean the drain. The confined male and female tasks were non existent in my home – we were treated as kids – we were not the girls that behaved like boys, we were Poobal and Leela’s girls – who could do anything they put their minds to – that’s it.

I have found that I am termed a ‘know it all’ if I ask questions to certain limited thinking males – I am put into the box of being a snob because I choose not to smile at the males that disrespect me with their dirty stares, I am classed as a loose girl if I wear something that shows off too much leg, I am disrespected if I demand that good service be given when I am paying for the job, I am ignored if I walk into the hardware store or the car battery outlet with my fiance to purchase items for a job that I am knowledgeable about – Why? Do I look intimidating, have you assumed that I am not worthy of your conversation because we use the toilet differently? It makes me wonder how some males can be so empowering and yet others prefer to live in their closets…

I want to break these restrictive walls down – I want you to give me respect the way I give you respect, I want you to stop living in the dark ages and open up your mind to a plethora of possibilities. I deserve that and more…your mom, sister, future life partner, and female friends deserve it too. I realise that as I write this there may be many women who have experienced this at least once in their lives. I also could be completely off the mark and it could just be in the land of Durban…who knows. My reason for writing this is simple – I want to challenge all those that read this to assess their own limited ways of thinking – a small change could make a huge impact – which leads me to another favourite saying that found its way to me through a Huletts sugar sachet…

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent a night with a mosquito.” ~ African Proverb

I hope you will consider my words and make a small change in your own life that can break the limiting beliefs that still govern parts of our community.

Dealing with loss…does time heal?

It’s difficult to put into words the feelings that consume you when dealing with a loss of a loved one. Honestly, I believe that each person experiences loss differently, of course you can provide comfort and to some extent empathise but you cannot compare situations because no two people are identical in their genetic or emotional makeup.

I find that as time passes the age old cliche of “time heals” was either made up by someone who truly believed that time healed (I’d like to give them the benefit) or it was concocted by someone whose bond with the person they lost just wasn’t the same as someone else’s bond with a lost loved one.

It’s been 2 years, 46 days since we lost my dad and maybe that’s not long enough in terms of the application of the cliche (time heals) but 1 day felt like a lifetime and still the loss is so blindingly present. I’ve come to learn that perhaps it is not the time that heals but rather the absence and acceptance of the loss that allows one to fill their lives with tasks, missions, activities, etc. which allows for growth in some way — which then ultimately leads to an attempt to fill the gap…a sort of healing you could say.

I believe that we can find comfort with others that have suffered loss but the levels of emotion differs. There are many ways of interpreting this, here is my way.

The way I feel the loss of my father is completely different to the way my mum experiences it – she has lost her life partner, her best friend, her confidante, her spouse, her lover and so much more. Losing one’s partner is different to losing one’s parent or uncle, or friend. The level of emotions cannot be compared and therefore it’s important to treat each loss with the respect it deserves.

Some move on, some compartmentalise their feelings and lock it away, some stay trapped in guilt or regret, some feel the pain daily, some use the loss as a stepping stone to greater things and others just manage to deal in their own way. There isn’t a right or wrong way of dealing with loss and as much as I would like to believe the age old saying of ‘time heals’ – I prefer believing in the sincerity of the person saying it because there isn’t any formula that can be applied to dealing with the loss of a loved one.

All I can determine so far is that there is a way of coping – the answers aren’t in any book, the answers are within you – the answers lie in the bond that you had with your loved one, you know it but acknowledging it is the challenge.

I have found some answers in my spirituality, in my strong connection to the law of attraction with the universe, with nature and finding an outlet, even writing letters to my dad and talking to him has been somewhat helpful. By taking control of my life and doing things that I knew my dad would want me to do, I found some sort of comfort. Believe me – it’s not easy – the so called healing is an active choice, a decision to be consistent and challenge your emotions every single day and the most challenging you will find is taking control of your mind and not letting your mind take control of you.

I’d like to thank the cliche – because it allowed me to find my own way – to design a method that works for me – the design is continually being adapted but for now it’s allowing me to deal in a way that is productive.

If you are experiencing the loss of a loved one and would like some words of wisdom or even just to chat, comment below and we can take the conversation private.

Thanks for listening.

xx

Moodley Junior

Tie the knot with your wedding menu: serve these 5 tasty treats

This is a piece that I recently wrote for an interesting online content marketing course, done with GetSmarter and UCT. My team and I were a part of the content team for a wedding company.

Let me know what you think?

Fairytale Wedding Co.

Food

/fu:d/

Noun, Adjective, Verb

Known as the fuel to any great wedding, the excuse to spark light conversation with that beautiful bridesmaid, the seed to laughter and cheer, the essence of the party (aka the wedding – of course it comes second to the overflowing beauty of the bridal couple).

synonyms: yummies, tasties, something nice.

Learn more about creating a ‘happily ever after…’ wedding menu at the FAB Bridal EXPO this 28-29 March, 2015.

There’s no doubt that “food” drones in as the centre of attention at weddings, of course for the bridal couple it’s a special, auspicious day in the sharing of a lifelong commitment to one another but for the guests’ – well, let’s just say it’s just another excuse to enjoy a ‘free meal’. However, don’t get this confused; although it comes across as just a ‘free meal’, it is one of the most talked about…

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Cansa Shavathon 2014

Cansa Shavathon beeeeeg love for #Cancerfighters…

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For years I have seen this disease affect friends and family and I’ve always felt helpless. How can one show #support without sounding pitiful or condescending? This is why the CANSA Shavathon is such a wonderful initiative. This year marked 11 years of #support for #Cancerfighters all over #SouthAfrica and it was my chance to show my #support for all those amazing #Cancerfighters by shaving my hair off. I finally feel like I can walk with pride in their honor and words don’t seem to be an issue…Here’s to all those facing this fight, you are truly heroes!

The day you were born!

As I approach yet another born day aka my birthday and ultimately the day you are forced to think about your life, your dreams, your accomplishments and all the blah blah’s that come with another year gone by…it dawns on me that each birthday becomes more about others than you or at least that’s how I want to start looking at it. So after watching the wonderful Charly’s Bakery last night I am afazed (lol, amazed) by her ideal nature to give…I mean I have learnt so much from miracle mummy and daddy about giving and sharing that it has become apart of me but it is so easy to drift away from what’s important in life.

Every birthday your close friends and family (if you have been blessed with those that care enough to ask) ask you what do you want for your birthday? This is something that is all fine and well when you are a child as it’s exciting to receive gifts and feel special on the day you were born. But I think it’s time for me to take on a different path when it comes to birthday celebrations. If I want to achieve my goal of being remembered as a legendary person (which entails being remembered for something that was unique and hard to find in this day and age – sharing, giving and making people smile – my favourite) then I have to start now. Everyone knows when their destiny starts (the day you were born!) but no one knows when it will end…so why not take a leap while I can?(not sure how long I have these lovely legs).

So if I have to list out the main things that I have learnt about growing older, my top 5 would be:

– Designate time for making good memories and indulging in all things happy because no one ever admits it but its human nature to dwell on the bad for some reason. We like to punish ourselves and feel down, just don’t ask all the great artists who’ve made their millions on sad love songs.

– Spend your money on others who don’t have what you have, believe me it’s more rewarding than those R400.00 “brandie” (name branded) shoes that you have been dying to get on your next paycheck that end up giving you blisters…

– Work hard at school because you will reap the benefits in the end. People can take a lot away from you but they cannot take away your knowledge and education.

– Follow your heart in whichever direction it earns, because believe it or not your heart knows you better than your mind sometimes.

– Treasure the people that have always been there for you, it’s easy to forget the big people when you have made it small (yes, I did mean it that way – think about it, do you really make it big when you have no one to enjoy it with?).

As a famous bunny says: That’s all folks! If there is one thing that I want you all to get at the end of each expression (in other words “blog”), it’s that life is one thing that is damn simple and clear cut, it’s our blinkers that get in the way of seeing things clearly…So in celebration of my birthday I want you all to take of your blinkers!

It’s all in a word!

So I have come to learn that the art of life is not talking about it but living it…Yes, I know that coming to that conclusion is nothing close to understanding rocket science or in my case simple geometry, but nonetheless I think that we place far too much emphasis on talking about life and what it “means” rather than actually living it. I came to learn that I was one for the dramatic side of life when I acted like a drunk at one of my first talent shows at the age of 10, believe it or not I won! It was then that I had the courage to go up in front of a room filled with neighbors, family friends and schoolmates and make a complete fool of myself and had the most fun knowing that I made them laugh (of course, they were laughing at me but to know that my performance made them laugh was the most fulfilling thing I could do at that age). The moment of seizing each day as if it were my last came a year before when my mum had gone through a major brain operation. My mum had suffered with migraines for years and none of us had given it a further thought until she started sleeping continuously and not remembering small conversations that we had had with her. After further investigation (not just taking the first opinion as that got us nowhere with a certain medical institution) we found that a MRI Brain scan revealed she had a bubble that was growing in her brain from the time she was a child (the time of growth and the cause was unknown). Eventually it had burst and that is what caused the memory loss and tiredness. Due to the efforts of a great neurologist who also happened to be my dad’s cousin (Dr. Logan Moodley), my mum is her wonderful self again and has fully recovered and now almost two decades later he still calls her his miracle patient aka miracle mummy! It was then that I was introduced to the unpredictable nature of ‘life’ and it was then that I wanted to appreciate each moment that I was blessed with…It’s hard for a child – regardless of age – to see their parent/s suffering and feel so helpless so here’s to all the miracle mummy’s and daddy’s out there!

Words are just words on their own but put together they become remarkable. Anything from advice to sacred promises to the ones you love and care for, a form of connection between strangers, a recollection of events that have passed and for me words are my portal into a different world. A world that is screaming out change through experience. I shared something important with you today, a piece of me that I kind of forget at times, not intentionally but we become so involved in what’s happening today and tomorrow that we sometimes fail to take the past with us, by no means am I saying let it rule your future but take it as a stepping stone into living for today.

In a matter of minutes our daily lives, filled with stresses, grievances, frustrations and pain, could impact our health and emotional state in a number of ways. For my mum, perhaps it was the loss of her mother at a young age or having to make sure that her family (6 brothers and her dad) were taken care off, regardless what the event/s were there are things that make us tick…people that make us proud and everyday occurrences that make us smile.

Blooper alert: decide what you want to be remembered as…Is it someone who made people laugh or cry, is it someone that nobody remembers because you were afraid to shine and never made an impression, or is it someone who was constantly complaining about everything they don’t have instead of taking note of what they do have. If for nothing else I know that I will be remembered for making my friends and family smile, that is what I want more than anything, to make those that are dear to me and even those that are not to be able to share their milky whites or sandy brown smiles with me.

Life is all in a word so get out there and start sharing it positively (I challenge you)…

Hello world…

Hello…Goodevening…I wanted my first post to be introductory. Who am I and why should you subscribe/like my blog?

Well, I’ve always thought of myself as an open minded soul and I proved that (mostly to myself) when I decided to make a big move abroad after not being able to get a job in my field of study. After 17 years of studying from pre primary to senior primary to highschool and then university, which is more than most people have the opportunity to experience, I was grateful but also disappointed…

For years I was led to believe that with a good education, drive, determination and hard work you were almost guaranteed a shot at a good job but I was drastically drawn back into reality when many of my applications were rejected due to the lack of experience. So my initial reaction was…how can I be experienced when I was fresh out of college?

Now, after some reflection and maturation, I realised that I failed to make an effort to get an internship during my study years. I then realised that there was a big missing link in my schooling career – there was no mandatory guidance. Yes, we did have a guidance counselor at school but his period was mostly considered our free, there wasn’t much conscious guiding going on. Which I feel is a huge downside on part of the school.

Nevertheless I took on the world and didn’t give up (the full story still being written). I took an opportunity to work abroad and it taught me many lessons…As time passes by I would like to use this platform as a way to share my experiences and if in any way I am able to be that point of guidance to some young (or old) souls then I would feel happy knowing that in some small way I am fulfilling part of my purpose.

For now, I am just a fearless girl with a view, learning about how to live life at my best.